kittyshellie

08:49 pm: What to do?
I feel like my world is falling down around me again. I can't seem to pull myself out of this. I am scared I am going to run away form it all again to find that I must face it... Life seems so over whelming to me lately. I feel sick, and I feel like crying for no reason. My best firend hasn't called me or talked to me in two weeks, I get paraniod about people, mistrusting in a way. I have so many people just leave me and never look back. It scares me she will too. That she hates me and I try so hard to be there, to do everything I can to help her. I don't want to think about me. I try very hard not to... worse yet I feel like if i make a mistake with anyone, that means as much to me as she does that more of my destoryed world will break down. I feel like I have nothing anymore. I am not sure if I can keep up this illusion anymore. This magic trick of smiles, giggles and smart ass comments, is starting to make me ack for total acceptence and love. As if people don't really know me for me, but she does. I love her as if my sister, I love her more than my real sister. (but my real sister is a crazied whore that I cannot stand.) Anyways, I had taken a moment away form the computer just a moement ago. My best friend called. I am happy now, she doesn't hate me. I still feel shitty. Worse yet, I know I have not done anything. Which makes it worse. I don't know anymore. What I do know is that if I have one more dream of dieing, then I might break. I can't take waking up in the more with this feeling, as if something inside is wounded and dieing. And I also have again, given up on dating, and men. I don't want to deal with all of that anymore. Guys do not try, and no man will look at me, and want me completely, and sinfully. None have the balls to walk up to a woman and say you me and a bottle of Vodka. Men do not sweep you off your feet anymore and tell you that they know what they want, and that is you. I mean all they do is beat around the bush. Give me a man with courage, one who knows what they want and will fight hellhounds to get it. Agressive and smart. One who will not back down in a fight, even if they are losing. Someone who will kiss you in a middle of a might, which is sooo cheating. I feel like a gothic princesses waiting for her bewitching princes to come and sweep her away like a tittle wave.

I am off.
Ja ne Losers!

12:21 am: Check my Myspace!
Okay, I don't really like Lj's and all. If ya wana know what is going on, then just post on what ever day about what I put in my Lj. Post here on this post. And I am doing this cause I have family on my other one and they wana hear about me there. Ya know what they fucking say, blood is fucking thicker than whiskey.

08:30 pm: it all good.
Well today didn't seem so bad. I called andy to see if she was okay. I didn't get an answer. But I know she will be fine. Also I don't know. I feel tired again. I haven't even been up for that long. Andy broght me my stuff back, when she left I went right back to bed. I was like sleep!!!!!!I hope your right Andy, It would be kinda nice to have a fan club. But I do doubt that I have one. I also wish guys would grow some balls and take off the blinders. I wish guys would see the beauty that is there instead of these god damn plastic dolls that go walking around saying "look at me!" I hate that. More than anything I hate it when a hot guys looks at the "dolls" Before someone with a brain!!!! God damn it! W/e I am off to rant to my mother or something.Maybe have yet another cigarette.

12:01 am: whatever!
Today is more or less, kinda sad. I am feeling bored with life and all that. It is like when I am at home and by myself. I get all depressed, well not really. I get lonely. I wear jade to attract love and bring grace. I just wish the damn thing worked!!! I need a boyfriend. Jeffy-wiffy will you be my boy toy. I don need sex! Haha. Anyways, yea I need to find a guy and I have no patiences at all. I hate waiting for shit sometimes. I HATE IT!!! I just wish I could find something to take up my time. I mean if I have a job and school I would be okay. Just not this lonely lifestyle that I am leading so hopelessly. -sigh- I hate life so much, most of the time. W/e. I am going to bed.

11:14 am: Here be my Myspace.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=33912687

I went form amused to hungery very quickly!

11:08 am: June 10th post on Myspace. Funny shit.
7:37 PM - Pissed like a motherfucker!!!!!

OKAY!!!! I have had it up to the shit hole with all these motherfuckers who think they can put words into my mouth. I am also tired of people knowing me well enough to know that if I have a FUCKING(!!!!) problem, you hear it first. There is two exceptions, if I am poking fun, and if I am pissed and go on one of my crazy pissed off bitchy rants. I am fucking tired of bitch ass punks who don't know me and never will, saying I say shit, when in truth they said it and are to cowardly to fucking admit it. Don't you all think I have gone through enough fucking shit as it is?? No, cause if anyone thought that this wouldn't of happened.

This is my side of the story. Yea I made a joke, after joe's mom did about them being late. I used the word "bastards." Never once did I use bitch. I said I was getting bitchy, cause I was tired. However I also said sorry for admitting that about myself. I can't remember the girls name, but she started talking shit. There is two reasons why I didn't say shut the fuck up. One, it is not my place to start shit between people. I don't do that. Two I didn't want to start shit at the party. Cause trust you me, I would of kicked her ass all over joe's room. I can't believe she said I was the one that said it. I told Liz what I said, and I am sorry that I didn't stop the cunt that said all that shit. I am sorry it happened. But I have no reason to be sorry, and I have not done anything at all. So I am tired of all this shit. TIRED!!!!!!! So ya know what. If one more fucker starts shit with me, I will end up at centeral booking cause I broke some bitches knee caps.

Now tell me when I am pissed of that I am not a trip and a half. I mean really. One time I got so pissed at some woman cause she was all like trying to get out of her care cause she was like you honked at her and the people she was with. I was all like hell fuck no! My friends where laughing cause I was like I will beat that bitch. Hahaha! I beat bitches for breakfast!

10:26 pm: Today I realized that I love andy. She is like my sister. I love being around her. It is like this. We compliment eachother. I love it!! I love being around her. I also must say this out loud. Lace is one hot furry!Haha! Anyways, back to watching tv and shit.

08:24 pm: P.H.L.L. _pur_
Well let me just say that today and tomorrow, are at this moment one day for me. So let me start off on Thursday.

Thrusday!
Okay so I hang out with Andy when she gets off work. Me her, neko and kitty. There was "God of war" and many jokes. Then we went to sleep.

Firday!
So I wake up like odles of times cause people are waking me up. Then neko and Andy wake up and are like "waky waky." So I finally get up. We makes jokes, and at 12:00 we kick neko out, clean Andy's house. We have to clean the two bathrooms in my house too, so we do. Then Andy and I go to Apple Bees. We were on an adventure to find a walmart with a lube center. SO! I show her the wonders of the food industry. I even wrote a note to the cheif. It was soo funny. She also drew porn on a napkin ring. It was soo funny! Andy and I get back to her house and get ready to go out once again. We were heading to an art gallery showing. We only spent some time there. Andy, Lady and I end up going back to the house and we leave again!!! Andy and I wanted to get lushed. SO we got wine and I had two large glasses. That is cause we where going to go toa furry event. Which brings me to the next. We go to where the Gathering is and we all are hanging out. That is when Andy and I met Lace! She is soooo cute. I just couldn't stop hugging him and jeff. Jeff has a I am gay cute, but Lace is like " I am sexy, I know it!" - rubs his nipples- He did that too!!! Haha, so did I! But it was just joking and all in good fun. I played with the kats and everyone was all like huggling me and Andy. Lace said that I should bleach and die my bangs. I Wana so I am going to wait a little while, but I am going to die it purple. It will be fun. Back to the story. So we are there till 4 Am. So we go home. Oh! I am going to back track a little. The furry fags got andy and me lost, twice! Alright, back on track. So andy and I go back to her house and hanging out. We can't sleep. Though we keep dozing off we can't sleep when we lay down. So then I say lets go see the sun rise. So we do. It was absolutly FUCKING funny!!! PHLL That is when that was created and only Andy and I know what it means! Bwahahahaha! Anyways, So we go back to the house and pretty much go to bed. So then we both are up and all we do is decorate my pants and just chill. I have never had soooooo much fun in a matter of three days.